Shy, funny, loveable Emily’s a pretty unlikely candidate for a phone sex operator. She’d die if she had to talk dirty face-to-face—especially to her hot cop boyfriend. She sure didn’t set out to do phone sex—she wanted to be a writer. But when her BFF framed her for plagiarism, she got in a tiny financial hole and saw this ad for a “phone actresses”…
Hey, it’s not nearly as bad as it sounds. No pantyhose or pantsuits, no regular hours, you’re your own boss, and lots of people to talk to. Guys, that is. But here’s the odd thing—lots of them want to talk about more than Emily’s imagined attributes; they start to think of her as the best friend they’ll never have to meet. Next thing you know, one of her customers gets killed. What’s a phone kitten to do? Solve the murder herself, of course!
The girl who answered the phone sounded a lot like me. She was perky, upbeat, and wanted me to come in that night for an interview. The thought terrified me, but my only other option was Walmart. I heard Walmart locks employees in the store. I’ve often wondered what would happen if one of the employees were pregnant and went into labor while locked up. Would they let her out? Would her supervisor deliver the baby in housewares and slap a little smiley face sticker on the baby’s bottom? Phone sex had to be better than twenty-four hour retail.
The company name was Dimensions. Located in the back of an industrial park, it was a little scary. There was a gravel parking lot with a dozen cars and only one door with a camera to capture anyone who pressed the call button. I was buzzed in immediately. I wondered, Why does a phone sex place need this much security?
I was met by Taylor, the bubbly girl I talked to on the phone. “Come on, I’ll take you in the back and we can talk.”
She wasn’t what I pictured. Taylor was a tattooed Goth chick, with every piercing imaginable. Taylor isn’t what most people envisioned when it came to “bubbly.”
Once we were in her office, she quickly closed the door. “Look, we talk dirty here. The language is sexually explicit. You have to say it all. Tits, cock, and fuck. Can you do that?”
“Yes.” There, I said it. I said I could do it. I hoped I really could.
She whipped out a headset, plugged it in, and said, “I want you to listen to a call. We get a lot of girls who come in here and think they can do it, and then freak out on their first call. It really pisses me off. You aren’t going to piss me off, are you?”
Taylor didn’t seem like the type of girl I wanted to piss off. I put on the headset and listened as a girl named Raven guided some guy through the “manipulation of his instrument.” Like a man really needs that type of instruction. There were moans, groans, panting—even a few noises I couldn’t identify—and that was just from her. He screamed once, and then it was over. Raven went on to her next call. It occurred to me that freaking out wasn’t going to be my problem. Trying not to laugh was going to be my problem.
I chose Phone Kittens when I went through a bunch of my ‘for free from amazon’ things. I get a few newsletters that help me to discover great free books. And this was a great book. You can get yours free at time of posting below.
Now I only vaguelly recalled the book blurb before I actually started to read this book. Sometimes books sit for a while before I manage to read them. But this one didn’t sit long.
Part of me almost wishes I could do a live recording of me reading a book and talking about it. I feel it would be more amusing and catch each moment that I felt something. But let me start with the fact that from the first chapter I felt like smacking someone. Im an emotional reader when a book pulls me in and the start made me feel like screaming ‘my name is SKYE’ . I enjoyed the way the book made me feel most of the time, although a few times I had to set it down because I was just too annoyed to continue. But I always picked it back up. It was just too interesting to me to put off or put in my DNF(did not finish) pile.
A lot of the detectiving did seem a bit unrealistic, but when reading a book thats said to be humorous. You shouldnt really expect it to be 100% accurate. Like in my opinion even if she did help solve she would of still gotten in trouble for breaking the law. . . several times.
On to the characters.
The heroine and would be Nancy Drew enthusiast. She was fun, funny and inspiring to me. Even if she did tend to be hard at accepting compliments she seemed to draw in people with her personality.
The history hotty and one of the characters that made me want to throw him at a wall. But that’s just because he pissed me off with his actions. But realistically I figure that is how someone would of reacted. I actually forgot part of the blurb in his job. And sorta thought like Emily and Craig did on his job.
Craig and Dennis:
The sweet couple ❤ ohhh they were so adorable and amusing and such great little angel and demon for Emily’s shoulder. Warnings and consoling and what not. These two are people Id love to have on my side. And how Emily met Dennis just amusing.
Just wanted to mention that most of the time I was highly amused by this book. I got caught laughing more then once in public as one thing or another made me smile and chortle. Yes Im a chortler. Also no spoilers but I liked Sonny and Tony was just adorable~
I think for anyone like me this is a great read if not a must read.